The Ex-factor: when past love keeps holding on

[Book news coming this week! Look for another post in a couple days.]  

Exes, we all have them.

The one who got away, or in some cases the one who we got away from.

And yet...

That's the catch, isn't it? The yet.

There are some people who no matter how much time has passed, or how much happier we are pretty sure we are now, we still think back and wonder.

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Honestly, I don't know.

We turn over in our minds the details of what happened when and what could or should have been said. You did it at the time and if you let yourself, if I let myself, we'll do it all over again.

Some of it is easier to understand. Like how the past looks from the benefit of time and distance. Those rose-colored glasses.

What do we miss?

We miss who WE were with them. Sometimes we even miss who we were when we first met who we're with now. How easy it felt, natural. How much fun we had. How romantic it was...

You. You were romantic and fun and sweet and easy to be with. It wasn't them. We're just giving the other person credit for who we decided to be back then.

There is a lot more to it, but this part I know and there's something to do about it.

Change the story.

Those rose-colored glasses need to be turned back on you. Remember how great you were in that relationship. Pretty terrific, I bet.

The more you retell the story and own the truth of it, the more you get to bring it into your relationships now.

Welcome back the fun, loving, spontaneous parts of you.

I promise you'll like yourself better for it. You may even like who you're with better.

And what about the rest of the ex-factor?

I might need your help answering that.

There are others things about former loves that hang on, it can feel like indefinitely. Like they're haunting our current relationships even though we thought we moved on long ago.

What is the thing we can't let go of? Do you know?