| Friday, March 09, 2007 | New York Times, motherhood |
A reason against motherhood
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A hot topic with most 30-somethings I know is motherhood - to have kids or not, and the guilt and pressures associated with either decision. Self-inflicted or otherwise.
When I read this article in last weekend's NY Times Magazine called 'Motherhood Experiment,' it got me thinking. The gist is that many industrialized countries like ours are partially at fault for women putting off child bearing (if having them at all), because having both successful careers and children doesn't seem possible. The author bases this assumption on inadequate childcare and part time work options available to women in our societies.
I think the author may be right. From my childless viewpoint, it seems you have to give up something in order to have either: career ascension or being home when your kids get off the bus. If our country made childcare affordable and good for our children; allowed longer maternity leaves ensuring women wouldn't lose their place on the corporate ladder; and offered reduced hours or job sharing without career limitations -- motherhood would definitely sound more attractive. And frankly easier to pull off in a society that demands dual-income households.
With all of that out of the way, the last things standing between me and motherhood would be pain of childbirth and no longer sleeping in on weekends... still not an easy sell.
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I wanted to mention some things I’ve been pondering, as a 32 year-old woman who is not a mother. If I wanted to become a mother, I feel that I could most likely handle my career as a college professor, although perhaps not with the same pace and stamina! I also feel supported financially, emotionally, and childcare-wise by my family.
One of the things that I’ve been thinking about, and sort of resent, is how most folks just think that having kids is the next, natural thing to do. It’s just not for some people! I have been married for nearly 8 years, and I love my life the way it is, and I know it would change significantly if I had children, and I also know I might not have progressed in my career in quite the same ways, and with the same pace if I had children. I just can’t help but think—there’s more to life than having kids, yet most parents I know cite their children as the absolute highlight of their lives.
Now please, don’t misunderstand. I see the joy that children bring into people’s lives. There is nothing better than seeing my 6 month-old niece smile and laugh at me! However, my perception is that tons of people enter into parenthood blindly, unexpectedly, and to fill some sort of void in their lives. I prefer deriving joy from other people’s children right now. Then, I can work on getting to know myself, instead of expecting my child to bring me unparalleled joy.
Something that my blog and the original article on which it's based take for granted is the assumption that women even want children to begin with. If nothing external stood in their way, who's saying many women would take the plunge? Many in fact are not.
Thanks for bringing that up - we sit in very similar mental states right now. The great thing is, we're at a point in history where we still have plenty of years left to consider the options and sleep in late until we make up our minds!