| Monday, June 22, 2009 | happiness, confidence |
Gorgeous? Says who?
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"You are gorgeous" are not words I hear everyday. After several times in the space of a week, I couldn't ignore it as a fluke.
No one would confuse me with Giselle. What's this about?
My limited modeling experience aside...any compliment is about more than the words themselves. There are also the meaning instilled by the speaker, and the one assigned by the listener.
I wrote previously about the concept of receiving. In order to get what you want, you have to be able to recognize and receive when it happens.
Compliments are one example -- I have caught people literally waving their hands, in essence pushing kind words away from them. What would happen if they sat still and let in what they heard?
I'm afraid that my complimenters are right. I may be attractive - in the physical sense and also in the energetic one like a tracter beam. I draw people to me for conversation in social settings, for networking and more. It's pretty powerful.
What happens if they are right? Suddenly I'm vulnerable.
Deep down I hope they are right and it scares me. If I take in and believe a big compliment, it sets me up to be hurt if they are really joking. Worse yet, if it is true, then I have to live up to it!
If I choose not to believe it, there is no possible chance to get hurt. There is also no possible chance of wild success and living my full self. I'm hiding from what could be my greatest gift.
If any of this rings true for you, I'd love to hear about it. What makes you uncomfortable about compliments? What are you hiding from?
Signed,
Ms Gorgeous
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It occurs to me that we can all tend to over analyse compliments - "What did she really mean by that" - where most of the time they're just honestly and simply meant.
I am male, typically cast as the pursuer in this culture--but I am happy to say I have been swooned over once or twice--and it was a total hoot. I focused on what the admirer liked and celebrated it, expanding my power and their pleasure (which expanded my power even more, as well as their pleasure!). I always found I was most successful (and all parties were happiest) when the deepest part of me said, "Self consciousnes be damned!" and chose to believe the hype in a deeply personal way--to accept the admiration as a logical extension of what I was naturally emulating--my life force, who I am without even trying, and all of that.
Of course, this is all easier said than done--but then again, maybe it doesn't have to be. Some people seem to fall into it quite naturally, in fact. Why shouldn't you?It's not like you're not gorgeous!
Especially John - what a great point! You build off of what Hugh said. Compliments can be simply meant and have profound impact if we see them as a gift from one person to the other.
By accepting them openly, we get to appreciate what someone else is offering, we get to appreciate ourselves for how great someone thinks we are, and it creates potential for reciprocal, expansive gift-giving and receiving.
Or as my friend Bill would say: 1+1=3.