Life's Negotiations

I was touched by a letter I received today from a friend who's in Kenya helping refugees gain asylum. Her latest note said:

I do hope that you are all living each day…really living… loving… laughing… crying… experiencing all of the joy, frustration, heartache and fulfillment that make our lives what they are… ours to live in whichever way we so desire...

I was drafting my coaching newsletter when her email arrived - the topic is letting go of everything we think we 'should' do in our lives out of guilt or obligation.

This email was from someone unencumbered by little things like whether to attend a summer barbecue. She's living every day and making a difference every day.

Three years ago I had surgery and was in the hospital for 15+ days. It was a defining moment in my life. I still shudder sometimes to think about it, yet it has also propeled me to who I am and what I'm doing today.

Recently, a close family member was told she too needed surgery, the serious kind with multiple days in the hospital, mulitple doctors and stages of recovery. In the days since hearing about this all of my fears and memories have resurfaced.

One of my biggest fears - you know the kind you brace against hoping it's not true, but not sure it isn't - is that if I walk back through hospital doors, they'll keep me. I'll have to go through it again.