Life's Negotiations

One of the topics that I love is how our beliefs are shaped.

Most of us, myself included, have rules we live by that aren't necessarily our own. Or rather not originally. At some point we acquired them and have since come to believe that they are true.

I'm making no judgement here whether these beliefs are neutral, good or bad. It can be something simple like socks always get tied in a knot before going into the drawer. (My husband is a one-sock-fits-into-the-other person.) It can be much more complex than that too.

Last night I began a six-week class with Danny Gregory, an artist who has developed a following for his illustrated journals.

Rather than journaling about thoughts and feelings, he encourages people to remove preconceived assumptions about the objects around us. To sit still long enough to observe what's really going on: at the breakfast table, in your medicine cabinet, even with your favorite pair of shoes. (Last night we started by drawing our hands.)

A topic close to my heart - and what brought me to my first life coach - was how to be creative in my daily life. I loved traveling to Italy to an art workshop in the mountains and taking classes like this one that introduce new ideas. The real challenge is bringing the lessons and energy I get from these experiences into the day-to-day.

I ran across this article today in the Miami Herald called "Women, stop putting others first."

The author is a coach, like me, and also like me we've come across clients who have trouble putting themselves first. Because of guilt, responsibility, getting self-worth out of being needed. You name it.

Often this can stand in the way of someone signing up for life coaching. She (primarily) can see the value but doesn't think she has time to fit coaching into her schedule. Among the reasons - not seeing how giving yourself an hour a week can help you stay more focused the rest of the time. It's the same concept for why it's a good idea to take vacation from work. To recharge so you can come back ready to tackle the next assignment. (Although as a society we're not good at that either.)

Or: how to have opposite-sex friends and be in a committed relationship.

I came to this topic, frankly, because I'm married and I enjoy having male friends. With them, I get to see new perspectives, laugh at gender differences and (sometimes) innocently flirt. Some of my favorite friends are male so I couldn't imagine having to pick between being married, which I also enjoy, and any of them.

This is easier said than done though. It is a gray area and a fairly new topic given just a couple generations ago (and in some cultures right now) it was unheard of for men and women to converse outside of a family. Now work-wives and work-husbands in the office are commonplace.

I was just featured in a column in Positive Health by Handan Satiroglu about Highly Sensitive People (HSP).

A few years ago I learned this term meant people who are sensitive to extremes of light and sound, and I finally understood that I wasn't alone in this feeling.

The term was coined by Dr Elaine Aron in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. In it, she provides questions to help determine if you are a HSP - from whether you were called introverted or shy as a child, to if you need to withdraw after a busy day to a quiet, dark place to refuel. I remember being surprised that other people actually avoided scary movies and overwhelming situations. I thought it was just me!