Life's Negotiations

But I am. She's really nice.

The Ex-factor is a challenge to navigate in any relationship. Most people I spoke to have a strict policy on the subject. "I never speak to ex's" was the most common. Followed by: "we're amicable and that's it."

So how did I get myself into this? Well for one, I'm new in town having just moved to Washington, DC from Manhattan six months ago. I was looking for female friends who like things I do -- art, eating out, talking about life. The guy I'm dating knew just the person: his ex-girlfriend.

It struck me the other day how women, especially, can lose themselves in relationships.

Thinking about my own past, it's like watching a bad movie -- you know the kind where you can see what's about to happen to this confident, intelligent character. "No, don't go down into the basement alone at midnight!"

Only this time, our fearless heroine steps on the relationship landmine of giving herself completely into a mysterious love interest. "No, don't Google him! You're too good for that!"

You may recall my previous post on dating other couples to find friendship and how much it's like singles dating. The concept, called couple friends, seems to have hit on a trend.

Now besides the Crain's New York article (subscription required: "Four's company," 1/21/07), an article in the Calgary Herald and a storyline from The King of Queens called The Shmenkmans, The Today Show is planning to do a similar segment. If my husband and I are chosen to appear, I'll be sure to blog again. A possible brush with fame!

During the interview with the segment producer I was asked cutesy questions like: "What do you look for in couple friends?" "Have you two ever been broken up with by another couple, or wanted to break up with one yourselves?" "How did you know you found the couple friends for you?"

It's not just for singles anymore. (This is not about swinging.)

In January, I was interviewed by Crain's New York (Subscription required: "Four's company," 1/21/07). The reporter wrote about couples 'dating' other couples to find friends who both individuals get along with and enjoy spending time together. People you choose to double date, and aren't stuck with because only one's a friend or your boss.

Surprisingly, it's a lot like dating other singles -- from the anticipation beforehand, to a full review of the evening afterwards. He said; she said; do you think they like us? The whole bit. And this time it's more difficult, because both of you have to agree it's a match. You could hit it off with one person, your significant other could not. And the dreaded...what if they never call?