Life's Negotiations

But I am. She's really nice.

The Ex-factor is a challenge to navigate in any relationship. Most people I spoke to have a strict policy on the subject. "I never speak to ex's" was the most common. Followed by: "we're amicable and that's it."

So how did I get myself into this? Well for one, I'm new in town having just moved to Washington, DC from Manhattan six months ago. I was looking for female friends who like things I do -- art, eating out, talking about life. The guy I'm dating knew just the person: his ex-girlfriend.

The New York Times had an interesting article about how friendships, and the act of sharing too much or too often, can be detrimental to your self-esteem.

Friendships are important for promoting self-esteem, but I think the author, Sarah Kershaw, makes an important point. If we look to friends to wallow with us in what-if scenarios and doubt for an extended period of time, our feelings will continue to spiral.

This quote from a college sophomore, Patricia Letayf, caught my attention:

Last night I was thinking about an episode from "How I Met Your Mother". The characters talk about someone breaking 'The Bro Code' by sleeping with his best friend's ex-girlfriend.

Memories of dating flooded back to me. It happened all of the time - flirting with guys who you knew your friend also liked, and more. Not only was I the dejected one pushed aside by the new couple, but also, ahem, the code-breaker. (Sorry about that.)

Is interest from the opposite sex more important than friendship?