Life's Negotiations

With the holidays and the end of 2009 upon us, it's a great time to reflect and celebrate all that this year has meant to you.

Simply Leap has a lot to be thankful for, especially in the last month. In case you missed any of it, here's a recap of our appearances around the web:

• Planning a career change or to climb the corporate ladder in 2010? Find tips on choosing the right Career Coach or Mentor for your needs at the Women in Business blog, courtesy of Simply Leap's Lauree Ostrofsky.
• More career-related advice, this time to Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Paper. The classroom rule has been reinvented as a reminder to stay focused in this article on Examiner.com where Lauree is now the DC Career Coach.
• Feeling nostalgic? Responses poured in to: What Was Your Favorite Children's Book as a Kid? See the answers on the website for teachers, ReflectiveRenewal.com, and how their lessons relate to our values as adults.

 Thank you for reading and responding to Simply Leap this year! We hope you'll continue to provide ideas and inspiration.

This morning The Brian Leher Show had a segment on mindfulness. How timely.

The interviewee, Gabriel Cohen, talked about a Buddhist belief that when something bad happens (unemployment, death, divorce), it is like an arrow has hit us.

The Buddhists believe that we often hit ourselves with a second arrow, like judgment or blame, that makes the hurt worse.

Just returned from a week away in the sunshine on Cabarete beach in the Dominican Republic. Good food, welcoming people, and inspired landscapes for photography.

While away I appeared in a blog post by Charles Orlando, author of The Problem With Women...is Men." In it, he talks about whether it's possible for men and women to have platonic relationships. Here is my quote:

“This subject is of interest to me personally, as I navigate being married and wanting close male friends. Currently I have a couple close male friends and get a lot out of the interaction. With any friend there is the opportunity to establish an emotional bond, to become emotionally involved you could say. With opposite-sex friends (plus you and possibly their partners) boundaries are vital. The male-female dynamic provides an opportunity for attraction, the added layer that can derail the connection felt into something much deeper that can put pressure on a marriage/committed relationship. If there are problems already, there is a risk of this friendship filling in the blanks or overriding it.

The truth: You can't get everything from one relationship. Your partner can be great, and you can also appreciate what other friends (male and female) bring to your life. If bonds, regardless of gender, are established from this place they can be healthy and rewarding. I would say that this speaks to how many of my male friendships have formed. Though I have sensed some attraction at times, the value of the friendship far outweighs the what-could-be feeling.”

I ran across this article today in the Miami Herald called "Women, stop putting others first."

The author is a coach, like me, and also like me we've come across clients who have trouble putting themselves first. Because of guilt, responsibility, getting self-worth out of being needed. You name it.

Often this can stand in the way of someone signing up for life coaching. She (primarily) can see the value but doesn't think she has time to fit coaching into her schedule. Among the reasons - not seeing how giving yourself an hour a week can help you stay more focused the rest of the time. It's the same concept for why it's a good idea to take vacation from work. To recharge so you can come back ready to tackle the next assignment. (Although as a society we're not good at that either.)

The following is my reply to an article in Huffington Post's Living section on a newlywed couple decision about having children.

Tamsen - thank you for expressing what quite a few of us married 30-somethings only whisper about at cocktail parties (where we hope our pregnant and mom friends can't hear us). Being happy shouldn't be about kids or not, you're absolutely right. And it shouldn't be assumed what your decision is before you've made it.

Deciding about being a mother feels like a taboo subject. Speaking for women here and not the guys, why can't we support each other - no matter whether we're mothers, are having trouble getting pregnant, haven't made up our minds yet, or decided against having children. Who better to understand the decision and all it entails than another woman.