Life's Negotiations

Just returned from a week away in the sunshine on Cabarete beach in the Dominican Republic. Good food, welcoming people, and inspired landscapes for photography.

While away I appeared in a blog post by Charles Orlando, author of The Problem With Women...is Men." In it, he talks about whether it's possible for men and women to have platonic relationships. Here is my quote:

“This subject is of interest to me personally, as I navigate being married and wanting close male friends. Currently I have a couple close male friends and get a lot out of the interaction. With any friend there is the opportunity to establish an emotional bond, to become emotionally involved you could say. With opposite-sex friends (plus you and possibly their partners) boundaries are vital. The male-female dynamic provides an opportunity for attraction, the added layer that can derail the connection felt into something much deeper that can put pressure on a marriage/committed relationship. If there are problems already, there is a risk of this friendship filling in the blanks or overriding it.

The truth: You can't get everything from one relationship. Your partner can be great, and you can also appreciate what other friends (male and female) bring to your life. If bonds, regardless of gender, are established from this place they can be healthy and rewarding. I would say that this speaks to how many of my male friendships have formed. Though I have sensed some attraction at times, the value of the friendship far outweighs the what-could-be feeling.”

Or: how to have opposite-sex friends and be in a committed relationship.

I came to this topic, frankly, because I'm married and I enjoy having male friends. With them, I get to see new perspectives, laugh at gender differences and (sometimes) innocently flirt. Some of my favorite friends are male so I couldn't imagine having to pick between being married, which I also enjoy, and any of them.

This is easier said than done though. It is a gray area and a fairly new topic given just a couple generations ago (and in some cultures right now) it was unheard of for men and women to converse outside of a family. Now work-wives and work-husbands in the office are commonplace.