Life's Negotiations

One of the topics that I love is how our beliefs are shaped.

Most of us, myself included, have rules we live by that aren't necessarily our own. Or rather not originally. At some point we acquired them and have since come to believe that they are true.

I'm making no judgement here whether these beliefs are neutral, good or bad. It can be something simple like socks always get tied in a knot before going into the drawer. (My husband is a one-sock-fits-into-the-other person.) It can be much more complex than that too.

Spoke to my friend, James, the other day about the Middle Ages when everyone thought the world was flat.

Remember those drawings where sailing vessels fell off the edge of the Earth into oblivion?

We all have that same edge. In front of it is our known world: who we are, what we know to be true. Beyond it is the unknown. Our hopes and dreams live there.

The following is my reply to an article in Huffington Post's Living section on a newlywed couple decision about having children.

Tamsen - thank you for expressing what quite a few of us married 30-somethings only whisper about at cocktail parties (where we hope our pregnant and mom friends can't hear us). Being happy shouldn't be about kids or not, you're absolutely right. And it shouldn't be assumed what your decision is before you've made it.

Deciding about being a mother feels like a taboo subject. Speaking for women here and not the guys, why can't we support each other - no matter whether we're mothers, are having trouble getting pregnant, haven't made up our minds yet, or decided against having children. Who better to understand the decision and all it entails than another woman.

My response to a blog this week in the Huffington Post about the U.S. birth rate and pressure being put on women about motherhood:

Hi Elizabeth - thanks for deciphering the birth rate statistics, and for bringing to light the pressure put on women to have children NOW.

I often hear from fellow women in their early 30's that, "I better start now." Not I *want* to start now, but almost that they are giving in. You know I'm not getting any younger (at 32) and my biological clock is ticking (for another decade), so I guess now is a good time. You guess?

At a certain age and after being married a few years, the inevitable question seems to be on everyone's lips: "Are you going to have kids?"

Sometimes, I really hate that question. I have this faint sense that at some point children will come into the picture, but right now, and in the forseeable future, being married and having my own business seems like more than enough. I'm really happy.

Mulling over the decision becomes infinitely more difficult when other people start weighing in. I don't think I need to apologize or explain myself, yet that's not always how I feel.