August 2008: In Training

August 2008: In Training

Monday, August 11, 2008

Monthly Coaching Newsletter

I'm addicted to watching the Olympics right now. While talking to a friend the other day, I realized that training can mean more than physical conditioning.

With that, I give you today's topic -- learned behavior. Or, how you are trained by family and friends and how you train them to respond to you.

This topic is about recognizing when you are reacting to what's expected of you. Strengthening this skill has the potential to change your relationships and your self esteem.

No Sweat My Pet

Think about how you would train a pet to fetch. Probably through constant reinforcement of good behavior.

Now think about relationships with your boss, your family, a close friend. The same conditioning can happen.

Every time they introduce you to new people as "he's the funniest person I know" or review your work by saying "she's always relaxed under pressure," the more you are being conditioned to live up to this persona. After a while you won't question it - of course you'll be the life of the party, of course you'll handle whatever happens.

How could you let someone down by not being this way?

How could your pet not fetch?

The same is true for negative characteristics. Whether you admit that you're never on-time or others say it about you, sooner or later you both believe it to be true.

Follow the Leader

Pavlov had a good point. When something is repeated often enough, and with a reward like food or praise attached, we get programmed to respond accordingly.

Once you recognize how you are being affected by learned behavior, you notice it everywhere. In yourself and others. What's true and what's just a response to expectations?

Learned behaviors are simply that. Things you learn to do over time, or learn to expect of other people. How are you limiting someone else by only seeing them in one way? How are you doing that to yourself?

Taking the Reins

With this realization comes the power to do something about it.

For instance, you can train people to see you however you want -- playful, insightful, spontaneous, a leader.

Admittedly some people will not take kindly to you 'changing' on them. You know what they say about old dogs... Regardless, by seeing how their expectations affect you, you can then decide what you take on or don't.

For example: "I know my family will say I'm weird because I'm traveling alone again, but that's on them. I think I'm adventurous and deep down they're jealous."

Hopefully, you will decide to just be yourself.

Quotes of the Day

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss