How I became a better speaker

It all starts with food poisoning. A few years ago I was leading a workshop on Marketing Your Strengths during a larger event in New York City. Selling yourself and your business can be intimidating, as if you have to be Tony Robbins to do it well. I help entrepreneurs experience how natural marketing can feel if you focus on what you love about what you do.

A friend lent me his apartment to stay the night before so I took advantage by arriving early and exploring all afternoon, including popping into a market in Chinatown for Vietnamese coffee beans to take home and a banh mi sandwich for dinner.

Suffice it to say that I have never eaten one of those sandwiches again. The name alone makes me queasy.

The next morning after barely any sleep and tummy rumbles that warned against breakfast, I made my way to the event. The attendees filed in, happy and open-hearted for the start of their day, while I took a seat in the corner, green and slowly sipping water. I had about an hour before going on and I needed all sixty minutes.

That's when a woman approached, "I just had to come over and introduce myself, because I love your energy."

If I wasn't already at the back of the room I would have turned around to see if she was talking to someone else. She didn't know who I was, or that I would lead an activity later. She was reacting to...me. I was dumbfounded. But I wasn't doing anything, I said to myself after she had returned to the other side of the room. Up until her hello I was convinced I had to do something, be outgoing in order to be noticed.

Because usually that's what I do in social situations and during speeches: muster up every extroverted cell in my introverted body and propel them out at people. I wonder if audiences can tell how hard I'm working, projecting my words into the rafters, bouncing on my toes, face flushed and blood pressure rising.

Here was proof I could be myself.

I didn't have the energy to be anyone else that day. Food poisoning was just what I needed to slow down and experience what people really see in me and to know that it's more than enough. I return to this story often and pass it along now in case you need the reminder. You are attractive, compelling, lovely when you're being yourself. Even in the back of the room hiding in a corner.

Sure you can move into the middle of the room and say something witty or insightful. But you don't have to. We see you already, and like what we see.

My workshops, even coaching clients over the phone, have changed since "the food poisoning incident." I will catch myself projecting now and then, but mostly I'm a better speaker because I do a lot more smiling, listening. My voice is softer. It is SO MUCH EASIER. My blood pressure thanks me.

A side benefit: it also allows people to be themselves too. When I tell audiences I'm an introvert, I often hear sighs of relief. They get to be introverts too, and still be speakers, leaders and the faces of their businesses.

How can you, today, this moment, be more fully yourself? 

Your new mantra at work

This is for the A-students out there. It's time to be mediocre. To give 80% instead of 110.

I know, I know, that sounds like crazy talk.

If you've been striving for gold stars since way back giving only 80% can feel like failure. You might as well do nothing than risk being overlooked during the next round of promotions, even if you don't really want one. A promotion is the closest thing most of us get to gold stars as an adult.

Here's why this is your new mantra at work: giving 80% provides room to figure out what you would rather be doing. Better still, room to do more of what you already know in your heart is the answer.

Granted it can mean not being sought after by colleagues, and even friends, to be the one saving the day on tough last minute assignments. You get a lot of last minute calls, don't you? It may sting in the beginning when this starts to happen, because you've trained yourself to recognize being needed as being successful.

It will be worth it. On the other side is enjoying what you do and being appreciated for who you are. Not the responsible person to call in last minute, not the A-student striving for the sake of striving, but an intelligent, creative...what would you love to be appreciated for?

Choosing to do 80% at your day job means you get to figure out the answer to that, while still keeping your job. Fear will tell you that you could lose your job if you do less, so let's get that one out of the way. You're still showing up and doing your work. The majority of employees all over the world settle happily into 60-80% output. You just never considered that an option, until now.

Save 110% for what you really love, and give everything else 80.

Mediocre

Take a page out of my client Katy Craig's work playbook, an A-student all-star turned 80 percent convert. She is also one the most silly fun, laugh out loud, dream big and go after it people I've ever met: "If I got an assignment that made my stomach sink, I'd just ask myself, 'What's 80 percent look like here?' and say my motto, 'I'm mediocre, goddamnit!'"

What does 80% look like? That's for you to figure out. It may begin with not answering emails immediately as they arrive even while sitting at your desk, and shift to leaving your phone behind while out with loved ones and not worrying one bit!

If you want extra credit, here is an advanced mantra courtesy of Clive Thompson, author of Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better. Over lunch one day we were talking about being mediocre and he shared a story from one of his first jobs. There was so much to do and a staff of one, him, to do it all. He decided to take the pressure off by creating a stock answer for whenever his boss arrived with more work: "This can be done poorly or not at all."

When he said that, my jaw dropped. I mentioned this was advanced, at the gold-star edge. Whether you say this out loud or to yourself it puts the power of heart and head space back in your hands.

What do you say A-students, are you willing to be mediocre to go after the life you really want?

Tell us:: what does 80% look like in your world?

And if you need help, from one A-student to another, get on my calendar for a free phone consultation.