Taking control of this year

I don’t know about you, but after last year I trust myself less, especially my ability to plan.

I’ve adopted a wait-and-see mentality, often doing only what’s right in front of me. In several interviews lately, I mentioned how comforting it is to do laundry or clean my bathroom. I know when both are complete and the finality, compactness of them is a relief when everything else feels up in the air.

I’m talking about control. I can control my bathroom. Outside that, not so much.

Truth is we never have as much control as we wish we did, it just takes big things like a pandemic, racial injustice and political unrest to make it crystal clear. My brain tumor did the same, no matter how “good” I was, how I tried to do the “right” things, I needed those one, two and three surgeries, to be patient with unending tests, and to be a patient for as long as my doctors deemed necessary.

If you’re seeking control this year, here are things to keep in mind that I’m reminding myself daily too.

We can only control:

• What we think about what’s happening

• How we feel about it

• The words we use

• The people we lean on and listen to, and

• The choices we make

The list may be short but there’s a lot to work with here.

Every day you get to decide where you’re putting your attention. The words you will tell yourself when you feel unsure. The actions you will take toward your goal, and what you’ll let go of worrying about or fixating on because it isn’t something you can do anything about.

Special note for us A students about what isn’t on this list: No matter how hard you try, worry or turn yourself in knots, you can’t control other people. If they’ll love you, accept you, respect you, choose you for that promotion or buy from your business. I hate it too sometimes.

Which is why it’s helpful to remember the above includes choosing the people you have around you. Choosing people who want to say yes, who have the capacity to give you what you want, and who believe wholeheartedly in you.

Another note for those of us feeling so much is out of our control: There are big things happening all around us right now. Just because something feels big, there are still things you can do about it. Look back at that list. Choose your words, thoughts, feelings and actions. Worry less about anyone else’s and maintain laser focus on your own. There is a lot of power there.

You are sitting on a lot of power.

Decide what this year will mean to you, who you’ll invite along with you, and every step you’ll take. That is more than enough to achieve anything.

Oh and one last gem from a session with my coach years ago: “Just because you feel something, doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it.”

Feeling out of control, or feeling like things are out of your control, can cause you to run in all directions. Get out the chocolate! Hide under a blanket! Give in to opportunities that don’t feel like a fit but feel “safe.” If you feel like you have to do something, stop. Feel what you feel. That’s enough.

What are you taking control of this year?

Tell me! Let’s keep each other accountable.

You're doing your best

It’s true.

When I posted this friendly reminder on Instagram, I added, “This is a time when a solid B is gonna have to do for us A students, and that’s more than okay.”

How do I know you’re doing your best?

First, because everyone is.

We can only do what we are capable of in each moment, which is why sometimes you knock it out of the park and others you inch across the floor. The same is true for everyone else, including those who haven’t figured out social distancing yet or who have opposing political ideologies to you. We are all doing our best through this unprecedented time, and so the more patient we can be, the better we’ll all be for it.

Second, I’m almost positive you’re the only one who thinks you could do more than what you’re already doing right now.

As over-functioners (thanks to Brené Brown’s new podcast for naming the desire to control in the midst of uncertainty) and A students, our mediocre days still exceed expectations.

If your response is, “but I could be doing so much more,” that is a sign to take your own expectations down a notch. I’ve had more than one conversation with clients lately about doing 80%. If you aim for 80% of your energy expended, your to-do’s accomplished and your goals reached, you are still a rock star.

Given all that’s happening, I’d say you’re golden aiming for 65%.

In addition to trusting and believing you're doing your best, please know you’re not alone. 

It can feel lonely trying to figure out how to shift your work to stay relevant, and determine who will buy from you or hire you now. The right next step is even more unclear, and your options could change again tomorrow. 

I’d love to help.

I’ve been asked to offer Coaching Sessions to navigate the changes to your work and businesses (and your roller coaster of feelings about these changes) through the pandemic. If you think you may want one, let’s get on the phone to see if it fits your needs.

If you’d rather speak with an intimate circle of others right where you are and hear what they’re doing, we can make that happen too.

I’m organizing a Mastermind & Accountability Circle that begins the week of April 20 for womxn in business wanting to lean on and learn from one another. Brainstorming solutions, sharing resources and providing moral support to move through fear, overwhelm and everything else.

We always get more done by working together, now especially.

If either of these options sound like what you need, let’s talk to see which is the right fit.

I’m here, and I believe so much in you.

Now, do less okay? And believe it’s more than enough.