Doing it anyway when you're scared

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Have you ever been so scared of failing you were frozen in fear?

Me too. More times than I expected would happen.

Earlier this month I launched my new website while feeling scared out of my mind. Well not by the time I hit publish, but there were several moments leading up to it that felt like swimming through mud, tangly weeds gripping my ankles underneath the surface.

Each time I felt that way I would wonder if it was a sign I should stop. Admittedly, I look for the easy path, the choices that feel natural, and most of the time it's helpful. So when this is hard happens I usually run for the exit while looking for reasons why the hard-ness is a sign. Because everything can be a sign, right?

Any number of times in the process of creating the new home for Simply Leap, I thought I should turn back, give up, delay longer, anything but keep going. Most times what got me through my fear to take one-more-incremental-step was telling good friends I was scared. People who know what it's like to try something new and want more than anything to turn back. And others who are Zen masters of focus and drive; it's not that they don't get scared, they just don't stop long enough to consider it. From the former I felt comforted that I wasn't alone, and from the latter I learned I could choose not to look at what could get in my way.

Why I finally hit publish was after listening to Reshma Saujani's TED Talk on teaching girls bravery and not perfection. How some of us as girls were taught to be perfect, to get it right or else, that failure could mean losing respect, love, attention, belonging...instead of what boys were taught to try everything, jump off jungle gyms, see what happens, brush yourself off and go for it all over again.

If I'm trying to get it right all the time, how will I ever really go for it? How will you?

No wonder it felt so hard, I was swimming through get it right or else mud. I was scared to try anything because the stakes were so high if I got it wrong. 

Reshma ended with: "I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection." Take off the young part, and add a yes, please. 

Another video, this one from Business Insider, being shared lately on social media has a similar message: Spanx CEO Sara Blakey redefining failure as a good thing, and not-trying as the real failure. A lesson she learned from her dad. 

Maybe these, and the good friends you lean on, will keep you Doing It Anyway the next time you'd rather hide in fear. Not knowing if you'll get it right means you could fall or knock it out of the park. Either way you still get the love, respect, belonging from people you trust, including me. Time to jump off a jungle gym!    

What helps you move through fear?

Please comment below or join our living room circle to hear what others are saying!

 

Pull up a chair

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If we've worked together, you may have visited my living room before...

At the beginning of every workshop or group call, I ask participants to imagine we are seated in an intimate circle at the center of a living room space. Our comfortable, oversized chairs in this circle are arranged close enough so we can hear what is said, and with enough room for anything else we brought with us -- excitement, curiosity, the questions we want to answer, or the goal that propelled us to seek out this circle in the first place.

Some things you're asked to set aside upon entering, similar to slipping off your shoes when you get home. These include what happened before you arrived and what is going on after you leave us. This is an opportunity that you created to be present with yourself, to hear your own voice, and to be there for everyone else who is gathered. 

Once we're all assembled, our time together officially begins. 

Consider yourself officially invited into this circle among likeminded individuals who want to make the most of their lives and truly love what they do every day. 

Several are already seated in our living room, and were posed the same questions you will be as you join. What do you uniquely bring to all of us, and what's your comfy chair? Here are their answers:

 

Colleen MacDonald

Colleen joined in March to envision Simply Leap bigger and bolder than ever before with a new marketing and business plan. You can tell how perfect she is for our circle:

My first major leap was in 2007 when I decided to join the Peace Corps and found myself in a small village in the mountains of Azerbaijan. Years ago, knowing my path would never be linear gave me cause for shrinking from my strengths - now this knowledge brings me power and assurance.
When it comes to long conversations, I’d choose a plush red arm chair sitting on top of a woven carpet from Azerbaijan.
 

Emma Flynn

Emma is a creative, enthusiastic A-student from way back. In addition to what she's up to behind the scenes as our Impact Master (we had fun brainstorming titles!), she also works with non-profits and social enterprises, and on community revitalization efforts in upstate New York. She says... 

I'm thrilled to pull up my big red velvet bean bag chair, and bring colorful comfortable socks, notebook and felt-tipped pen, and goat cheese stuffed dates to go around the circle!!! I look forward to learning your leap stories, dismantling my fears, and having fun! There are dance parties to be had - can't wait!  
 

Leigh Baumann

Leigh is a talented graphic designer who also dabbles in marketing, social media management and photography...and she is good at all of it! She put the finishing touches on our new website that made it p-o-p. More about her:

I bring a love for plants and animals [including her dog, Ruby!] and colors and textures - especially those found in nature - and an overall eye for detail and beauty.
Can I sit on the floor in the living room?

Haha, you bet!

 

Erica Leaman

Erica is the heart-centered wedding and portrait photographer behind the new shots of me on the website. The moment we met, I could feel the love shining right out of her, and you can see it in what she shares about our circle too:

I think I bring the power of connection. I have often craved connection with others, and have only recently come to the conclusion that I am built exactly for what I am pursuing through my photography -- loving on others through connecting with them and showcasing their energy and emotion through images and art. I hope that makes sense! My clients have my whole heart from the moment they first contact me. :) 

 

Alison Wilkes

Alison turned her design and project management eye on Simply Leap and envisioned that our shiny new online home could be clean, bright, approachable and succinct. You can see her touches everywhere as a result.

And the homey setting of my new portraits? Her homey home! Maybe it's her living room that we all are gathered in together. She has this geometrically patterned sofa that I imagine her relaxing on cross-legged with all of us. 

 

Please take a seat! It is fantastic to include your unique energy and way of seeing the world in our circle.  Now that you've learned about everyone else, we'd love to hear about you.

Go on over to our private Facebook group and introduce yourself. Tell us:

  • What do you bring to our living room circle?
  • What is your comfy chair like? 

I'll introduce myself, too. Picking out my favorite chair right now...

See you there!