Do these sound familiar?
"I want to lose weight so I can feel good about myself."
"I want to get my finances in order so I can quit my job."
"I want to get my life in order so I can have fun."
A few years ago my coach warned me against using the words I want... because if I kept wanting something I would receive more of the feeling of wanting and not the thing itself.
It kind of made sense, but the idea never really stuck. Angela Lauria helped. In her ebook, The Difference, for coaches and other practitioners writing their first book, she says, "Writer’s block is for people who want to want to write a book." There's no typo. Writers who actually write don't have that problem. They are too busy doing it to spend any time wanting it.
Then she described losing weight.
Angela lost and regained 100 pounds FIVE times.
She would have remained in the cycle of loss and gain too if she hadn't realized that wanting to lose weight was safer than actually doing it.
Read that again:
[box type="none"]Wanting something can feel safer than getting it, because then you can just keep wanting.[/box]
It gives you something to do. You can want. You can talk about wanting. You can feel the space between yourself and the goal, never the goal itself. Frustrating, but familiar.
On the plus side, you won't ever have to figure out what to do after you finally get it.
Because when you're not wanting anymore, time and energy are freed up for the even scarier things you keep putting off (the second part of each of those statements above). Losing weight and getting your finances in order are safe hiding places from big scary things like finding a great relationship and doing work you love. If you organize your finances, it means nothing is standing in your way anymore. You can change your career!
What do you want?
It's time to ask yourself if you're ready to have it, or if it will continue to be safer (albeit frustrating) to just keep wanting it.
With all my talk about leaping, Angela helped me realize how firmly planted my feet were.
In fact, if I am being completely honest, I've been here before. Back when my coach warned me years ago, I wrote an embarrassing post about a toaster oven. I was whining about wanting one, but not allowing myself to have it.
It's time for me to Do a big thing.
Like launching a brand-new coaching program. I've been thinking about it, talking about it, and wanting it for months if not years. It's time. It's scary. And it will be worth it to be on the other side. That's where I get to have the satisfaction of helping more women do incredible things with their lives -- not just wanting to feel that way. [Yes, this is me committing to launching a program in the fall. Now I really have to! More details coming soon.]
Maybe it's time for you to knock something off your Life To-Do list too. Please join me in Doing, I could use the company.
What will you stop wanting and start Doing?