I've been asking myself that question for at least two weeks. In that time I've written and removed two blog posts, then came up with three other ideas and didn't write any of them.
Why? Because it's safer.
Writing is sharing a piece of myself without knowing how it will be received, and that feels really risky.
I was feeling so good that in January I boldly stated to friends that I wanted to be a bestselling author.
And then things started to look more daunting. Roadblocks surfaced that I hadn't planned on. Another opportunity arose that was kind of what I wanted but not exactly, and it made me wonder if I should rethink what I want to make it fit with what showed up.
In other words, I've hit the rocky patch. A few moments, or weeks, of maybe this wasn't a good idea.
I need to remember that this is how big things happen:
- Dream big.
- Start on the path.
- Early win. Woo!
- Uh-oh scary moment.
- Maybe not rethinking.
- Oh my gosh, it's really here and even better than I imagined!
It's pretty easy to tell where I am on this list. Hiding equals somewhere between #4 and #5.
I haven't been writing because I'm scared.
The reasons are repeated by a chorus of voices in my head. They say I'm not good enough, I don't know how I'll get there, and it hasn't happened yet, so it might never. (Very distracting.)
No matter the fear, two things are needed.
The first is to see it fully, and listen to what it has to say with tenderness.
I see you not good enough and I know where that comes from. I know that how I get to be a bestselling author isn't clear and that feels scary. It makes sense why hiding under the covers feels safer.
The second is to make one step. Any step will do as long as I do it with my fear in sight.
It's like coaxing a new swimmer into the deep end. I might offer that she hold onto the side of pool with one hand until she feels that she can let go.
What's one step I can do? Remember why I want to be a bestselling author.
I want to help people see that no matter what is happening in their lives, they always have a choice. Choosing to love themselves and the people they care about dramatically affect what happens next.
Remembering that reminds me why I eased myself into the deep end of writing in the first place.
All of a sudden, #6 feels a lot closer.
If you've been hiding too, this may be the perfect time to remember why you put yourself in the deep end.
What's your big dream?
When you hit a roadblock, one conversation may be all you need to turn it around. I'm here. Contact me about a 45-minute sample session.